Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Vatican Sold

Mendax News Service

Word has leaked out recently from confidential sources that a deal is being finalized on the sale of the Vatican and all its buildings, artworks, real estate, vehicles, office equipment and all other real property.

The deal is expected to bring in several billion euros with which the Church can help the poor for several years and still have money to build a modest facility in the Australian Outback.

Wild rumors have circulated that the buyer is Gates, Buffet, Slim, Trump, or even a member of the Saudi royal family. It has been learned from informed sources that a prominent architectural firm has been hired to explore the feasibility of converting St. Peter's Basilica into a mosque or synagogue: hence the Saudi connection.

Supposedly,  the plan is to keep all the property intact, but turn it into a private theme park that would generate billions of euros per year on admission to the various museums, libraries and former churches. The various cemeteries in the catechombs would remain as would those in the churches, but St. Peter's tomb would probably be moved to the new headquarters in the Outback.

There is fear that if the sale is to a Muslim that he will destroy all the artworks in a recrudescence of iconoclasm, but if to a Jew; all the Christian themes will be destroyed or sold. Once the deal is consummated, it is believed that any prior restrictions will be unenforceable, so it is being urged that the property be kept in Christian hands.

Vatican spokesmen have denied any impending sale, but a long-time Vatican watcher at Radio Roma tells Mendax that the Church has finally decided to heed the advice of those who have said for years that the church should sell off Her property and help the poor. Civic officials in Rome worry that tourism will suffer if visitors to the Vatican have to pay to visit all the historic sites. Insurance companies are licking their chops because the Church has never insured any of the artwork for more than one euro, whereas they are sure that a private collector will want to insure the works for full value and charge accordingly.

Critics are complaining that the Church is thinking only of money and should keep and maintain all the artworks for the enjoyment of everybody without charge. It is feared that if the sale goes through, only the wealthy will be able to afford to see more than a small fraction of the "collection" as it is being now called.

Charles Hitcher, a constant critic of the Church and religion in general has said the deal shows that the church "maintains a meretricious relationship with the wealthy and cares nothing for the poor." When reminded that most of the money from the sale would go to help the poor he countered that, "the poor you will always have with you." Hitcher claims that the money from the sale will soon be spent and the fantastic artworks and buildings will be in private hands and will be sold off piecemeal. Others have said that the property is not the Church's to sell, but the common patrimony of all mankind that it is the Church's responsibility to maintain and make available to all without charge.

One visitor leaving the Sistine Chapel was asked his thoughts on the possible sale of the Vatican. He told Mendax that it isn't right for the Church to sell any of its property because people didn't donate it just so it could be sold later. "I'm like, thinking that it's really sad that the Church is so mercenary. Why can't they keep this stuff and make it available for everybody? Why is it that they always think only of money? I think they should be like, prohibited from selling any of this stuff." he said. Another visitor leaving St. Peter's said she thought "it's typical of organized religion that all they think about is money. All the money they get from the sale will be used up very quickly and we won't get to see any of this stuff without paying; it's just not right. The Catholic church is so greedy."


  1. Yes, the poor will always be with us. So will the critics. No matter what course is chosen, somebody will be there to say that "it's all about power" or something facile and retarded like that. The entire annual budget of the Vatican amounts to about one quarter per Catholic. Not exactly earth-shattering wealth.

  2. Thanks Dave. Damned if you do, damned if you don't