Russian Missiles In Mexico As Mexico Joins SATO

Chris Sullivan
Mendax News Service

Mexico has been accepted as the newest member of SATO – South American Treaty Organization – after years of wrangling by South American countries over allowing a non-South American country
into the alliance.

Mexico was finally allowed into the alliance after agreeing to station Russian missile batteries in Matamoros, Nogales and Tijuana for defense against attacks from Venezuela, Suriname, Pottsylvania and Nicaragua.

U. S. Secretary of State Anthony Blinkered sounded the alarm against SATO moving right up to the US border and allowing Russian missiles on its soil. Russian spokesman Boris Badenov gave assurances that the missiles were for defense only and would not be used to menace the United States.

Blinkered reminded SATO members that when the alliance was formed it was only to include South American countries and would not move one inch (25.3 milometers) toward the United States.

Mexican President Jacobo Arbenz suggested that Cuba could be an alternative basing location if it joins SATO and stressed that it is a defensive organization. Basing missiles in Cuba would move them farther away from the US border and perhaps make it easier to thwart any threat from Pottsylvania.

Pottsylvanian spokeswoman Natasha Fatale claims that Pottsylvania has no hostile intent toward Cuba or any SATO members and that manufacturing an imaginary threat was a way for Russia to threaten the US.

Badenov assured Blinkered that the missiles would not be nuclear armed and that it would take several hours to convert them to nukes and probably be too much of a hassle. Arbenz and Badenov stated emphatically that Mexico is a sovereign country and can form whatever alliances it sees as advantageous and deploy any weapons it wishes on its own territory.

US Defense Secretary Lloyd Asstin has contended that Russia is going to use its bases in Mexico to funnel captured US weapons to Aztlan separatist groups in the southwest. Badenov denied any plans to do that, but pointed out that if the US were not sending Javelin missiles, Stingers, mortars and various other weapons to Ukraine, Russia would not have them to send.

Asstin and Blinkered have both expressed fears that Russia wants to initiate and support an insurgency in the US to cause havoc and weaken it. Badenov laughed off the idea, but said flippantly “We wheel brink zeese weepons backs to zyou, hah hah, zjust keeding.” Blinkered responded that the US would consider any arming of indigenous militant or separatist groups or people an act of war.

President Arbenz has suggested that SATO might send its mediators Salvador Allende, Rafael Trujillo and Manuel Noriega to negotiate a settlement.